So I was talking to a friend of mine today, and our topic turned to monogamy. Actually my friend made the mistake of telling me that he felt like monogamy was unnatural. Unnatural? As if this thing was almost unheard of in any other species on Earth. And then, to add insult to injury, he then said that women could not go about carrying on in a polyamorous nature simply because we now outnumber men. Needless to say I had the rant of my lifetime on this man.

Here’s my thing about monogamy: I’m a simple broad; I want my career, my nice house, and my man to share my life with. If I’m already sharing my life with this man, why should I then be expected to share him with someone else? I look forward to the day I can stop having to use condoms. Even if he only wore them with her, condoms don’t stop all of the STDs. I didn’t sign up to catch some other broad’s vaginal infections. And if we weren’t married, am I then expected ration off another section of his time that matched up with my free time – that I’m already splitting with his family, his friends, his job and whatever else he’s doing – for some other broad? And don’t let it be more than one, because now I have to compete for this one man’s time. Excuse me? Either you’re mine or you’re not.

Ultimately, spending my days alone writing novels in my comfy, dream house seems like a much better idea than tying myself to some guy who will more than likely cheat. I can always go visit a sperm bank if I really want a kid; I would definitely be in a good position to not taint my child’s view of their father if the only thing I knew about them was what was written in a brochure. They’d at least be his words.

I just don’t understand this hate for monogamy. Yes, it’s a sexist, human construct used to ensure the legitimacy of the children born during one’s marriage, but that doesn’t mean I can’t benefit from it. I like having one person to myself for the rest of my life. I look forward to the idea of us growing together as a couple and enjoying life, then later raising a few awesome kids. I like the idea of my husband not leaving me for some random broad who’ll benefit from all of the hard work I put in.

Cheating is such a sexist practice because women cheating seems to be a much bigger than a man cheating. And for why? What is the big difference between a woman cheating and a man cheating? I’ve heard it said that women are incapable of separating their feelings from the act of sex, which is bullshit. Women are just as capable of meaningless sex as men are; sex is sex is sex . . . that you could have just had with the person you were already in a relationship with. Then there’s this belief that if a man takes care of you, pays the bills and puts food on the table, then one should just deal with whatever it is that he’s doing on the side. So if I’m the breadwinner in the house, does that mean that I can cheat too without my husband so much as looking at me wrong? Please, I’d be divorced before the week is out.

There’s no good justification for cheating, simply because the act in and of itself requires your partner to be in no way consenting. Me being okay with it, is basically me consenting, and I’m not consenting if I can’t at least have the option to cheat. What’s the point of allowing something in a relationship if both partners cannot benefit from it?

If it’s a matter of the sex you’re not getting, have you tried talking to your partner about it? Is the sex, be it a specific type or frequency, that necessary? If it’s about the kids you all have together, do you think you’d be a worse parent if you weren’t with your partner? You do realize that your cheating will affect the way in your children act in their future relationships, right? That’s a thing that actually happens. If it’s about divorce, there is such a thing as Separations. My grandparents were separated from before I was born up until my granddad’s death when I was 16. I think I was ten before I realized how weird it was that my grandparents did not live together.

I’ll never understand why people are so against monogamy these days. Just say you’re not ready to be committed to one person and move forward. Sow your wild oats and get that out of your system before you settle down and get married. People don’t seem to realize that serial infidelity is just practice for adultery if you don’t break the habit beforehand. Monogamy’s not a bad thing guy’s; it’s not unnatural, it just takes growth and stability. If you can’t offer, or show that you are capable of, those things, then don’t bother with it. It’s just not for you yet.